HAHAHAHAHAHA.

The last four weeks have whizzed by in a blur of washing, catching up on Coffeesh0p and yet more wedding parties (you can never have enough!) but I’ve finally found time to sit down and write about our honeymoon. Now I just have to hope that some of you out there are still interested and that I can remember anything about it!

We went to Bayahibe, a pretty touristy resort on the south east coast of the Dominican Republic. Our hotel was frickin’ sweet, 5* all inclusive and right on the beach, with only one more hotel along the coastline between us and the completely uninhabited south east tip of the island, which is a huge nature reserve.

Just off this coast is the island of Saona, and our visit to there was quite possibly the best day of our lives and the highlight of the holiday. We had heard that the reefs there were the second best in the world (after the Great Barrier reef) so we just had to check it out and we certainly weren’t disappointed. The trip itself was brilliant, the staff were fantastic and we downed rum after rum on the boat while listening to (would you believe it?) the Trentmøller remix of Go by Moby – one of our favourite tracks. John had a good old boogie on the boat before realising he was being filmed and promptly stopping, but we bought a DVD of the trip so it’s now immortalised on film forever, no doubt to resurface for embarrassment purposes at some future birthday party or to show to the kids to prove we were young and cool once. We saw eagle rays and moray eels and other, much prettier sea creatures like enormous starfish, angel fish and sea urchins.

The Wildlife

Lunch was on the breathtaking Saona Island – filming location of the iconic Bounty ads – and was delicious, ate overlooking the Caribbean Sea and covered in butterflies! The afternoon was spent in the amazing ‘natural swimming pool’ – a football pitch sized patch of shallow water, far out from the coast. Ironically, being miles from anywhere, this was probably the busiest place we went during the entire honeymoon! The water was clear and beautiful, about chest height (on me, but I’m a short arse) and the bottom was covered in huge, hard starfish – not like the crap squidgy ones we get in this country. Here, the staff on the boat turned the music up loud and we drank rum and coke and ate fresh coconuts that had been picked on Saona Island earlier. It’s safe to say it couldn’t have got much more Caribbean than that! Later on in this trip we’d break our camera, get incredibly pissed and emotional and a little bit sunburnt, and when we got home I spent an hour sobbing and exclaiming ‘that was the best day of my life!’…but the less said about that part, the better.

Saona Island

There was also some amazing sights to be seen in the sea just off the hotel’s beach – we saw a sting ray about 6 foot out from the beach, followed it round for a bit and made a large and rather obnoxious British family shit their pants and drag their kids back on to dry land when their nosiness got the better of them and they asked what we were looking at. Another amazing experience was feeding the fish just off the beach – turns out they eat bread (who knew?) and wading into the water with a roll or two causes hundreds of beautiful fish to swarm around you, jumping out of the water and stuff, it was absolutely incredible and we even borrowed snorkels so we could get underwater and in on the action.

Another awesome trip was to the capital city, Santo Domingo. We had the most fantastic tour guide called José who referred to his wife as ‘Fidellia Castro’ the entire day and talked about how wives were the bosses of the households in the Dominican Republic just like everywhere else in the world – all in the most good humoured and loving way possible of course! We were embarrassingly clueless about the place before we went on this trip, so here’s the history lesson: Santo Domingo was founded in 1496 by Bartholomew Columbus and was the first place to be settled in the Americas. It boasts the first cathedral, chapel, hotel and just about everything in the New World. The Catedral Santa María La Menor, for example, is older than ANYTHING in the USA. The city’s modern history has been pretty turbulent, and it even had a different name from 1930-61 – “Ciudad Trujillo”, after the country’s dictator. He was eventually assassinated, but not before much bloodshed and 30 years of an oppressive and unpopular regime. To put this guy in a bit of context, there were extravagant gifts in the old mausoleum that had been sent to Trujillo from Hitler and Mussolini…so not a nice dude. That this period is still in living memory seems obvious, as does the rest of their history with links to Christopher Columbus, the slave trade and so on. In our experience, Dominicans are SUPER proud of their country, their heritage and their past, warts and all. It’s a very refreshing attitude and we enjoyed finding out all about it in an open and matter-of-fact way. The ancestors of a lot of the population, for example, arrived as slaves – and whilst we all know that this was a terrible time in history and many abhorrent acts were carried out towards these people, that is how they ended up there and that’s that. That something isn’t pleasant doesn’t make it any less true, and I really liked that quality that we found in so many of the people there. They were also very patriotic but not in the mental, nationalistic way you seem to get in the US and UK – they said things like ‘my capital city’ even if they didn’t live there, and thanked tourists for visiting ‘my beautiful country’. Overall, people were incredibly friendly and welcoming, and often even seemed grateful to the tourists for even going there in the first place. But then, it’s not long ago that Dominican Republic was a third world country, and thanks to the recent earthquake we’ve all seen on the news that it’s neighbour, Haiti, most definitely still is. Tourism has transformed the country and they seem thankful and proud to show it off – as well they should, because it’s so beautiful. It has the typical breathtaking Caribbean beaches as well as jungles, rainforests, coral reefs, bustling cities and Western style shopping precincts for the rich and famous – a bit of everything. I really don’t know why it’s not as popular as some of the other Caribbean Islands which, as far as I can tell, tend to be less diverse in their ecosystems and landscapes.

As well as the cathedral, we visited numerous significant buildings and places, including the first road to be built in the New World, the palace of Christopher Columbus’s son, Diego, and some stunning caves known as ‘the three eyes’ which featured beautiful, turquoise underground lakes (unfortunately this was post-camera-breakage so we don’t have any good photos of these. Boo!) We also bought the tiniest, most expensive piece of rock ever but it was totally worth it – a teardrop shaped chunk of amber (a Dominican specialty) with a 60 million year old bug in it. It set us back nearly £300 but still, there can’t be that many 60 million year old bugs floating around. Other purchases worth noting are of course the ubiquitous rum and cigars, which were so frickin’ cheap we ended up buying about double our customs limit and having to squeeze it all in our cases for the journey back. We had no trouble there, thank goodness, although we did see an hilarious stereotypical indignant American couple arguing with customs. They appeared to be the only people in the whole world who haven’t heard of the ‘no liquid in your hand luggage’ thing and loudly failed to grasp why their litres and litres of rum were being thrown away. Just as an indication of price, some pretty awesome 40-odd % rum was around £5 for a 70cl bottle – bargain! We drank plenty while we were there and also discovered some crazy Dominican aphrodisiac called Mamajuana, which John has since christened as ‘rum-hypnol’ (not because of anything rude, you filthy buggers…but because the only time I drank some was when I was already horribly drunk and I basically lost around 3 hours then passed out. The next day I actually thought I was dying of some tropical disease because the hangover was so bad). Basically mamajuana seems to be a mixture of herbs which are soaked in red wine, then honey and rum, then drained – this leaves you with the sex rum which you then drink. Or something like that. It’s delicious so keep your eyes peeled on Coffeesh0p as we’re hoping to source some of the herbs from somewhere at some point soon as no one sells them in the UK at the moment. Oh and John bought a SINGLE cigar for £20. That had better be one awesome cigar.

Last but not least, our other trip worth mentioning was to go and swim with dolphins! The place itself was a complete rip off and the staff were the most miserable shits we had ever come across – but once we were in the water with the dolphins those feelings just evaporated and it really was all the clichés you can imagine. We’ve never been that interested – as in, we’re not one of the many people to whom swimming with dolphins is the absolute pinnacle of being – so more than anything we got the opportunity to do it and we just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And would you believe it, Mr and Mrs cynic here just totally “got it”. It was incredible, and I’m now totally a dolphin convert. Do it if you ever get the chance.

Other than that, we spent a fortnight lazing on the beach, drinking so much rum it’s a wonder we’re still alive, eating amazing food, swimming every day in the sea and the huge pool (which happened to have a bar in it), and generally just relaxing. It was the most fantastic two weeks we could have hoped for (apart from the bastard camera breaking) and we’re incredibly glad that our ‘ah, fuck it, it’s our honeymoon’ attitude won out over our tight-fisted, sensible attitude. After all, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity…although having said that, you are all heartily encouraged to buy plenty from us in order to help us afford to go again

My VERY good friend Tim at Just Say Once To Salvia has done something astounding. I don’t know what else to say.

He’s freakin’ tattooed SYNCHRONIUM.NET on his leg.

He’s put these videos up for us all to look at:

How AMAZING is that?! Please visit Tim’s site and his guestbook thingy and show your support!

What a guy…

So apparently there’s this trend going round a few blogs where we, the blog authors, ask you guys some stuff about who you are, why you’re here, etc. I can’t believe I haven’t asked you all sooner, to be honest. We’ve certainly got some interesting characters here, so let’s hear all about you!

This could be you. I have no way of knowing unless you tell me!

Pleeeeaaase copy ‘n’ paste the following questions into the comment box at the bottom of this post and type in a few words for the benefit of us all. If you’re bothered about your details being made public, you can make up an email address, so long as it’s in the right format, and post under a pseudonym, so, no excuses!

• Who are you and what’s your background?
• When and why did you start reading?
• Why do you come back?
• What do you like here?
• What do you wish I did more of?
• What do you wish I did less of?
• For lurkers: If you don’t normally comment, why don’t you?
• For regular commenters: What do you get out of commenting? What do you think might encourage lurkers to comment?

If you can think of anything else to add, please do so! This is also a great time to tell us about any websites you may be involved with, just don’t be too spammy about it!

Yep, that’s right. It’s a dolphin on a jetski smoking a doob.

Although many Botham spies didn’t die to bring you this picture, Jo had to take the pic with her phone, text it to my phone which doesn’t have picture messaging set up (I know, I know), so I could then access it through my network’s website, download it and upload it here. Worth it? We think so.

We’re still on honeymoon for a few more days, so look out for a proper update towards the end of next week.

See all y’all soon.

For my stag night me and a few mates sat in a dark smoke-filled room, having ingested a safe amount of legal and unidentifiable chemical, in possession of a shitty keyboard, an awesome synthesizer, an ancient drum machine and some kind of stlyophone, all fed through a very expensive bass amp. There was also an acoustic guitar lying around.

None of us are very good at music, but this is what we somehow came up with. It was recorded with a phone in the middle of the room.

It’s not exactly awesome, but I thought I’d stick it up here anyway for you to laugh at, more than anything.

Right, I’m off on honeymoon in 9 hours. I’ll write something else when I get back! Off in half an hour – see you all in two weeks!

In case you were wondering why I’ve not written anything decent for ages, it’s because we’ve been planning our wedding, which finally happened on Saturday (May 29th, 2010). I thought I’d put a couple of photos on here today because a few of you seem to actually give a shit, and also then there’s less chance of me forgetting any future anniversaries.

If you've ever had a decent night out in Birmingham, you may recognise that as The Custard Factory

During the ceremony

Us in some "arty" doorway

Also, since I’ve still not written a Music On Drugs post, you might like to give some of the music we used in the ceremony a listen. Links to YouTube open in a new tab/window.

Before The Ceremony:

• Zero 7 – Destiny
• Delerium – Silence (the ORIGINAL version!)
• Tori Amos – A Sorta Fairytale
• Nick Drake – Place To Be
• Amillionsons – Need You Tonight (Not on YouTube, but it’s an electro-chillout “rework” of Judy Tzuke – Stay With Me Till Dawn. Here’s Amillionsons – Misti Blu though, to give you an idea what they sound like.)
• Four Tet – Everything Is Alright
• Air – You Make It Easy

Jo Walking Up The Aisle:

Zero 7 – Pop Art Blue

Signing The Register:

• Fleetwood Mac – Songbird
• Frou Frou – It’s Good To Be In Love

Us Walking Out:

Lamb – Gorecki (started at 2:27)

Secular weddings are awesome!

(Image credit: Photos of my Wedding)

Everyone’s a winner who entered last weeks Science Joke Competition! Not in the sense that everyone wins a prize, but in the sense that maybe, just maybe, we’ve inspired someone, somewhere to do something vaguely scientific. So who did win a prize? …

The Winner

Potter

The Runners Up

James

psiphi

Fantastic! Remember though, if you’re not from the UK and you want to claim your prize, you’ll have to send us a couple of quid to cover the postage. We’ll sort all that out later. I’ll be in touch soon, probably, although we are getting married in 6 days, so there might be a bit of a delay… :^|

I’ve got to go and write my speech now, so I’ll leave you with this brilliant sketch from That Mitchell & Webb Look:

Yes, I'm A Capitalist Pig.

So, I keep getting emails from vendors of various substances offering increasing amounts of cash for advertising on this site. To be perfectly honest I could use a bit of extra cash since we’re saving up for a wedding. But, I’m not about to start advertising without asking your opinions first.

Here’s what I propose for the best outcome for us all. On individual pages, such as Mephedrone:
The Facts and JWH-018 Toxicology, for example, I was thinking of including a single link to a single vendor, clearly marked out as an advert. Then, I’d be happy for people to email me with any bad feedback on those vendors, and we could get rid of the link together and wait for a better vendor to come along.

That way, there’s no hidden spammy links or otherwise tricking people into visiting a vendor’s site. It would be completely transparent and you lot all all get some say.

So what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Got a suggestion to improve the idea for everyone? Plz leave a comment!!1

By the way, if you hate it, I’ll have to look at other options, like a “Donate” button next to every awesome joke. Like that side-splitter below the image above. Or, how about this one:

Or this one:

Ho ho ho!

Quick edit: Thinking about it, a donate button might be another great way to benefit a few more people other than myself (not that I need your money to spend hundreds of pounds on several pairs of shoes for our wedding…). How about a single donate button down the bottom of the right hand side, but then we’ll give say 20% of each donation to charity, or at least a worthwhile organisation. 10% could be given to one of your choice from a select few and 10% could be given to one of my chosing, again from those select few. Some that spring to mind include Erowid, Drugs Forum or the Richard Dawkins Foundation For Reason & Science (very much like the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too).

Quick Edit #2: Perhaps we could earn a few donations… Like writing “[Your name] does drugz lolmayo!” in the sand of the Dominican Republic and taking a picture of us next to it. (Yes, we’re going there for our honeymoon…). We could even get those pix printed out on a mug or something for anyone particularly generous.

Other silly ideas welcome.

Nice one, guys. Seriously.

You’ve all just cost me a shitload of money. Once again, I’ve been forced to hand over more cash to upgrade my web hosting packages, due to the blog’s precipitous, yet perfectly predictable peak in popularity.

"Would you like to host a blog?"

I suppose you aren’t the only ones to blame. If my logical, well thought out, excellently articulated ideas and opinions require upgrading the infrastructure necessary to pipe them to the masses, I suppose I’m at fault too, if only a little bit. If I was wrong about something just a fraction of the time, or I was a tiny bit less modest, then maybe I could have kept the money for that death ray I’ve had my eye on.

Actually, running out of bandwidth timed rather nicely with my JWH-018 Toxicology write-up receiving over 100 mostly sensible comments. Neither is worth writing about on its own, but both things happening within a few days of each other practically forced me to write a bit of an update post.  So here’s a graph, some stats, and a few mediocre blog-related achievements:

Here’s the site’s traffic for every month since time began (I certainly can’t remember a time before Synchronium.net, and neither can you) to the end of January 2010. No actual numbers, but that’s some nice growth.

Sexy Statistics:

• We’ve written 87 posts between us
• Posts have rated 235 times with an average of score of 4.55
• There are 714 comments approved so far
• 9,178 spam comments have been dealt with
• Tim is our top commentator, closely followed by MauiGreenDragon
• Jo’s Hash Brownie Recipe has been viewed just over 100,000 times
• My first post has only had 27 views to date
• There are almost 10,000 links pointing to this site

Awesome Achievements

I’ve somehow convinced people that I know what I’m talking about

Thanks to my recent mephedrone coverage, I’ve given interviews and/or helped with research on the subject for BBC Radio, DrugScope and AOL, as well as a handful of smaller things like local or university newspapers or local radio stations. We also had the privilege of telling Jeremy Kyle to fuck off when he wanted to interview us for some (presumably terrible) legal highs “documentary”.

People keep nicking my shit

A lot of people have republished articles and images on their site without asking or linking back – the bastards. It seemed that every dickhead research chemical vendor who set up shop recently in an attempt to get rich quick has used my rather snazzy chemical structure images, and I’ve read more copied blog posts than I care to count. While definitely annoying, it’s also pretty cool to have created something worth nicking. One blog even had my entire RSS feed running down the right hand side for a while, but that was great, since each item linked back here multiple times. Which brings me onto…

People keep “licensing my content”

That’s basically the same as the above, but they ask me first and link back to the original article. (If you’re planning on nicking my shit, ask me first!)

We’ve stood up for the industry and druggies everywhere

Since Jo’s review on the second worst documentary ever made, Can I Get High Legally (the recent Horizon about infinity has to be the worst), we’ve published the views of a couple of interviewees, which tell a completely different story. Journalists occasionally mention that review when they get in touch, agreeing with us, or using that as an example of what they’re not trying to do. Are they trying to earn our trust? Maybe. I think the real reason is that my “Internet powers” scare the shit out of them. Well, maybe not.

We’ve had some interesting results in Google

First off, we immediately began to rank number one when searching for “synchronium”, above Synchronium.com, which has been there since 2004. Funnily enough, that guy probably gets more traffic now than ever, since no one ever actually searched for “synchronium” before this site came along.

Google Image Search is where all the fun is at though. At one point, our picture of Neal’s Yard Remedies superimposed with a giant rubber duck was on the first page of results for their name, but not any more. When you search for Daniel Siebert (“the salvia guy”), near the top is a picture of Kenny G, thanks to this post. Finally, Mephedrone Cat has shown his cheeky little face on the first page of results when searching for “mephedrone”.

If things continue like this, I reckon I’ll be king of the Internet in approximately 4 years.  Thanks to all of you for participating!