Your browser is no longer supported.

Please upgrade to a modern browser.

Top Menu

5% Discount on Legal Highs, Salvia Divinorum and Everything Else From The Coffeesh0p

Science-Based Quick Competition

By John Clarke

Following some rather depressing blog comments, I reckon it’s about time we had another competition in the name of science!

What Can You Win?

Blue LagoonBlue Lagoon

The winner will get a super awesome double size bottle of Blue Lagoon, a new liquid herbal high, and a 10g bag of Mexican Dream Herb. The two runners up will just get the Dream Herb.

What Do You Have To Do?

I want to hear the best science joke you’ve got. There’s a few to get you started at the end of this post. Obviously, I don’t expect you to write some new comedy gold, but at least have the decency to tell a joke in your own words and not just lift it from the first google result for “science joeks lol”. Post your entries in the comments below this post!

Who Can Enter?

If you’re in the UK, this competition is for you. If you live anywhere else, you can still win the stuff, just as long as you’re willing to PayPal me the postage costs. Usual rules apply, like being over 18, not mentally unstable or pregnant.

When Will The Winners Be Picked?

Over the next weekend probably. Who knows when exactly… depends when I’ve got 5 minutes. Get off my case already! Jeez..

7 Responses to Science-Based Quick Competition

  1. Jack says:

    A black hole walks into a bar.

    Life on that planet comes to an end, and the planet is annihilated.

  2. Plant Geek says:

    My two personal favorites…

    From Futurama

    Horse race announcer: It’s a quantum finish! And the winner is-(Man holds up a board with the winning horse on it)
    Horse race announcer: Harry Trotter!
    Professor Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

    and

    A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, the priest says “We don’t allow Higgs-Bosons in here.”. The Higgs-Boson says “But without me how can you have mass?”

  3. psiphi says:

    A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
    First they see two people going into the house. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house.

    The physicist says “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
    The biologist says “They’ve reproduced”.
    The mathematician say “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”

    Not so much a joke, but a play on words…

    Particle Physics gives me a large hadron!

    Oh! and..

    Some helium floats into a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve helium in here”
    The helium doesn’t react

  4. Mike says:

    i came to post psiphi’s joke. lol. well, here’s another one.

    An engineer, a scientist, and a mathematician are walking by a burning building. The fire is rampant is about to overtake the building. The engineer rushes to fire department chief, asks to look at the building plans, then promptly directs the firefighters to concentrate on a particular window and the fire is soon out. The fire chief thanks him.

    A week later, the scientist walks into the fire chief’s office and hands him a short pamphlet, “Effective aerodynamics of fighting fires in an urban setting.” The fire chief thanks him, reads it, realizes how valuable that information is, sets up a weekly seminar for his firefighters with the scientist.

    A year later, an unshaven and ungroomed mathematician storms into the fire chief’s office. “I’VE DONE IT!!! I’VE FINALLY DONE IT!!!” The fire chief is shocked and asks “What have you done?” The mathematician exclaims, “I’ve proven that fires exist!!!!!”

  5. Doktor Potter Dee says:

    There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn’t know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can’t come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, ‘I’ve got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.’

  6. James says:

    Wanted, dead AND alive, Schrödingers Cat

    Q: What’s the difference between a quantum mechanic and a car mechanic?

    A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

  7. Synchronium says:

    Competition closed, thanks everyone!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: