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Science-Based Quick Competition

By John Clarke

Fol­low­ing some rather depress­ing blog com­ments, I reckon it’s about time we had another com­pet­i­tion in the name of science!

What Can You Win?

Blue LagoonBlue Lagoon

The winner will get a super awesome double size bottle of Blue Lagoon, a new liquid herbal high, and a 10g bag of Mexican Dream Herb. The two runners up will just get the Dream Herb.

What Do You Have To Do?

I want to hear the best science joke you’ve got. There’s a few to get you started at the end of this post. Obvi­ously, I don’t expect you to write some new comedy gold, but at least have the decency to tell a joke in your own words and not just lift it from the first google result for “science joeks lol”. Post your entries in the com­ments below this post!

Who Can Enter?

If you’re in the UK, this com­pet­i­tion is for you. If you live any­where else, you can still win the stuff, just as long as you’re willing to PayPal me the postage costs. Usual rules apply, like being over 18, not men­tally unstable or preg­nant.

When Will The Winners Be Picked?

Over the next weekend prob­ably. Who knows when exactly… depends when I’ve got 5 minutes. Get off my case already! Jeez..

7 Responses to Science-Based Quick Competition

  1. Jack says:

    A black hole walks into a bar.

    Life on that planet comes to an end, and the planet is anni­hil­ated.

  2. Plant Geek says:

    My two per­sonal favor­ites…

    From Futurama

    Horse race announ­cer: It’s a quantum finish! And the winner is-(Man holds up a board with the winning horse on it)
    Horse race announ­cer: Harry Trotter!
    Pro­fessor Farns­worth: No fair! You changed the outcome by meas­ur­ing it!

    and

    A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, the priest says “We don’t allow Higgs-Bosons in here.”. The Higgs-Boson says “But without me how can you have mass?”

  3. psiphi says:

    A math­em­atician, a bio­lo­gist and a phys­i­cist are sitting in a café watch­ing people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
    First they see two people going into the house. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house.

    The phys­i­cist says “The meas­ure­ment wasn’t accur­ate.”
    The bio­lo­gist says “They’ve repro­duced”.
    The math­em­atician say “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”

    Not so much a joke, but a play on words…

    Particle Physics gives me a large hadron!

    Oh! and..

    Some helium floats into a bar, the bar­tender says “We don’t serve helium in here”
    The helium doesn’t react

  4. Mike says:

    i came to post psiphi’s joke. lol. well, here’s another one.

    An engin­eer, a sci­ent­ist, and a math­em­atician are walking by a burning build­ing. The fire is rampant is about to over­take the build­ing. The engin­eer rushes to fire depart­ment chief, asks to look at the build­ing plans, then promptly directs the fire­fight­ers to con­cen­trate on a par­tic­u­lar window and the fire is soon out. The fire chief thanks him.

    A week later, the sci­ent­ist walks into the fire chief’s office and hands him a short pamph­let, “Effect­ive aero­dy­nam­ics of fight­ing fires in an urban setting.” The fire chief thanks him, reads it, real­izes how valu­able that inform­a­tion is, sets up a weekly seminar for his fire­fight­ers with the sci­ent­ist.

    A year later, an unshaven and ungroomed math­em­atician storms into the fire chief’s office. “I’VE DONE IT!!! I’VE FINALLY DONE IT!!!” The fire chief is shocked and asks “What have you done?” The math­em­atician exclaims, “I’ve proven that fires exist!!!!!”

  5. Doktor Potter Dee says:

    There is this farmer who is having prob­lems with his chick­ens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn’t know what is wrong with them. After trying all con­ven­tional means, he calls a bio­lo­gist, a chemist, and a phys­i­cist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the bio­lo­gist looks at the chick­ens, exam­ines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some meas­ure­ments, but he can’t come to any con­clu­sions either. So the phys­i­cist tries. He stands there and looks at the chick­ens for a long time without touch­ing them or any­thing. Then all of the sudden he starts scrib­bling away in a note­book. Finally, after several grue­some cal­cu­la­tions, he exclaims, ‘I’ve got it! But it only works for spher­ical chick­ens in a vacuum.’

  6. James says:

    Wanted, dead AND alive, Schrödingers Cat

    Q: What’s the dif­fer­ence between a quantum mech­anic and a car mech­anic?

    A: A quantum mech­anic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

  7. Synchronium says:

    Com­pet­i­tion closed, thanks every­one!

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