Your browser is no longer supported.

Please upgrade to a modern browser.

Top Menu

5% Discount on Legal Highs, Salvia Divinorum and Everything Else From The Coffeesh0p

I Hate You All

By John Clarke

Nice one, guys. Ser­i­ously.

You’ve all just cost me a shit­load of money. Once again, I’ve been forced to hand over more cash to upgrade my web hosting pack­ages, due to the blog’s pre­cip­it­ous, yet per­fectly pre­dict­able peak in pop­ular­ity.

Synchronium Server

“Would you like to host a blog?”

I suppose you aren’t the only ones to blame. If my logical, well thought out, excel­lently artic­u­lated ideas and opin­ions require upgrad­ing the infra­struc­ture neces­sary to pipe them to the masses, I suppose I’m at fault too, if only a little bit. If I was wrong about some­thing just a frac­tion of the time, or I was a tiny bit less modest, then maybe I could have kept the money for that death ray I’ve had my eye on.

Actu­ally, running out of band­width timed rather nicely with my JWH-018 Tox­ic­o­logy write-up receiv­ing over 100 mostly sens­ible com­ments. Neither is worth writing about on its own, but both things hap­pen­ing within a few days of each other prac­tic­ally forced me to write a bit of an update post.  So here’s a graph, some stats, and a few mediocre blog-related achieve­ments:

Here’s the site’s traffic for every month since time began (I cer­tainly can’t remem­ber a time before Syn​chronium​.net, and neither can you) to the end of January 2010. No actual numbers, but that’s some nice growth.

Sexy Statistics:

  • We’ve written 87 posts between us
  • Posts have rated 235 times with an average of score of 4.55
  • There are 714 com­ments approved so far
  • 9,178 spam com­ments have been dealt with
  • Tim is our top com­ment­ator, closely fol­lowed by MauiGreenDragon
  • Jo’s Hash Brownie Recipe has been viewed just over 100,000 times
  • My first post has only had 27 views to date 🙁
  • There are almost 10,000 links point­ing to this site

Awesome Achievements

I’ve somehow con­vinced people that I know what I’m talking about

Thanks to my recent mephed­rone cov­er­age, I’ve given inter­views and/​or helped with research on the subject for BBC Radio, Drug­Scope and AOL, as well as a handful of smaller things like local or uni­ver­sity news­pa­pers or local radio sta­tions. We also had the priv­ilege of telling Jeremy Kyle to fuck off when he wanted to inter­view us for some (pre­sum­ably ter­rible) legal highs “doc­u­ment­ary”.

People keep nicking my shit

A lot of people have repub­lished art­icles and images on their site without asking or linking back — the bas­tards. It seemed that every dick­head research chem­ical vendor who set up shop recently in an attempt to get rich quick has used my rather snazzy chem­ical struc­ture images, and I’ve read more copied blog posts than I care to count. While def­in­itely annoy­ing, it’s also pretty cool to have created some­thing worth nicking. One blog even had my entire RSS feed running down the right hand side for a while, but that was great, since each item linked back here mul­tiple times. Which brings me onto…

People keep “licens­ing my content”

That’s basic­ally the same as the above, but they ask me first and link back to the ori­ginal article. (If you’re plan­ning on nicking my shit, ask me first!)

We’ve stood up for the industry and drug­gies every­where

Since Jo’s review on the second worst doc­u­ment­ary ever made, Can I Get High Legally (the recent Horizon about infin­ity has to be the worst), we’ve pub­lished the views of a couple of inter­viewees, which tell a com­pletely dif­fer­ent story. Journ­al­ists occa­sion­ally mention that review when they get in touch, agree­ing with us, or using that as an example of what they’re not trying to do. Are they trying to earn our trust? Maybe. I think the real reason is that my “Inter­net powers” scare the shit out of them. Well, maybe not.

We’ve had some inter­est­ing results in Google

First off, we imme­di­ately began to rank number one when search­ing for “syn­chronium”, above Syn​chronium​.com, which has been there since 2004. Funnily enough, that guy prob­ably gets more traffic now than ever, since no one ever actu­ally searched for “syn­chronium” before this site came along.

Google Image Search is where all the fun is at though. At one point, our picture of Neal’s Yard Rem­ed­ies super­im­posed with a giant rubber duck was on the first page of results for their name, but not any more. When you search for Daniel Siebert (“the salvia guy”), near the top is a picture of Kenny G, thanks to this post. Finally, Mephed­rone Cat has shown his cheeky little face on the first page of results when search­ing for “mephed­rone”.

If things con­tinue like this, I reckon I’ll be king of the Inter­net in approx­im­ately 4 years.  Thanks to all of you for par­ti­cip­at­ing!.

4 Responses to I Hate You All

  1. Rowan Jones says:

    I Did a little research myself, and did you know? and I quote:

    “Based on inter­net aver­ages, syn​chronium​.net is visited more fre­quently by males who are in the age range 18 – 24, have no chil­dren, are gradu­ate school edu­cated and browse this site from home.”

    You get the picture xD

  2. Overfiend says:

    Hmmmm :s

  3. Stewart says:

    Does the amount of band­width really make a dif­fer­ence between hosting plans?

  4. Swim says:

    You are great at what you do, I wish you the best.

    Btw, I per­fectly match the stat­ist­ics in the first response:) english is not my native lan­guage though… so excuse my pos­sible mis­takes.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: