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I Hate You All

By John Clarke

Nice one, guys. Seriously.

You’ve all just cost me a shitload of money. Once again, I’ve been forced to hand over more cash to upgrade my web hosting packages, due to the blog’s precipitous, yet perfectly predictable peak in popularity.

Synchronium Server

"Would you like to host a blog?"

I suppose you aren’t the only ones to blame. If my logical, well thought out, excellently articulated ideas and opinions require upgrading the infrastructure necessary to pipe them to the masses, I suppose I’m at fault too, if only a little bit. If I was wrong about something just a fraction of the time, or I was a tiny bit less modest, then maybe I could have kept the money for that death ray I’ve had my eye on.

Actually, running out of bandwidth timed rather nicely with my JWH-018 Toxicology write-up receiving over 100 mostly sensible comments. Neither is worth writing about on its own, but both things happening within a few days of each other practically forced me to write a bit of an update post.  So here’s a graph, some stats, and a few mediocre blog-related achievements:

Here’s the site’s traffic for every month since time began (I certainly can’t remember a time before, and neither can you) to the end of January 2010. No actual numbers, but that’s some nice growth.

Sexy Statistics:

  • We’ve written 87 posts between us
  • Posts have rated 235 times with an average of score of 4.55
  • There are 714 comments approved so far
  • 9,178 spam comments have been dealt with
  • Tim is our top commentator, closely followed by MauiGreenDragon
  • Jo’s Hash Brownie Recipe has been viewed just over 100,000 times
  • My first post has only had 27 views to date 🙁
  • There are almost 10,000 links pointing to this site

Awesome Achievements

I’ve somehow convinced people that I know what I’m talking about

Thanks to my recent mephedrone coverage, I’ve given interviews and/or helped with research on the subject for BBC Radio, DrugScope and AOL, as well as a handful of smaller things like local or university newspapers or local radio stations. We also had the privilege of telling Jeremy Kyle to fuck off when he wanted to interview us for some (presumably terrible) legal highs “documentary”.

People keep nicking my shit

A lot of people have republished articles and images on their site without asking or linking back – the bastards. It seemed that every dickhead research chemical vendor who set up shop recently in an attempt to get rich quick has used my rather snazzy chemical structure images, and I’ve read more copied blog posts than I care to count. While definitely annoying, it’s also pretty cool to have created something worth nicking. One blog even had my entire RSS feed running down the right hand side for a while, but that was great, since each item linked back here multiple times. Which brings me onto…

People keep “licensing my content”

That’s basically the same as the above, but they ask me first and link back to the original article. (If you’re planning on nicking my shit, ask me first!)

We’ve stood up for the industry and druggies everywhere

Since Jo’s review on the second worst documentary ever made, Can I Get High Legally (the recent Horizon about infinity has to be the worst), we’ve published the views of a couple of interviewees, which tell a completely different story. Journalists occasionally mention that review when they get in touch, agreeing with us, or using that as an example of what they’re not trying to do. Are they trying to earn our trust? Maybe. I think the real reason is that my “Internet powers” scare the shit out of them. Well, maybe not.

We’ve had some interesting results in Google

First off, we immediately began to rank number one when searching for “synchronium”, above, which has been there since 2004. Funnily enough, that guy probably gets more traffic now than ever, since no one ever actually searched for “synchronium” before this site came along.

Google Image Search is where all the fun is at though. At one point, our picture of Neal’s Yard Remedies superimposed with a giant rubber duck was on the first page of results for their name, but not any more. When you search for Daniel Siebert (“the salvia guy”), near the top is a picture of Kenny G, thanks to this post. Finally, Mephedrone Cat has shown his cheeky little face on the first page of results when searching for “mephedrone”.

If things continue like this, I reckon I’ll be king of the Internet in approximately 4 years.  Thanks to all of you for participating!.

4 Responses to I Hate You All

  1. Rowan Jones says:

    I Did a little research myself, and did you know? and I quote:

    “Based on internet averages, is visited more frequently by males who are in the age range 18-24, have no children, are graduate school educated and browse this site from home.”

    You get the picture xD

  2. Overfiend says:

    Hmmmm :s

  3. Stewart says:

    Does the amount of bandwidth really make a difference between hosting plans?

  4. Swim says:

    You are great at what you do, I wish you the best.

    Btw, I perfectly match the statistics in the first response:) english is not my native language though… so excuse my possible mistakes.


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