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We're Not Awesome - Everyone Else Is Shit

By John Clarke

First off, you may have noticed dis­tinct a lack of posting these past couple of weeks. I’m not going to apo­lo­gise, because I’d rather only post when I have some­thing to say, rather than just because I haven’t said any­thing for a while.  Thank­fully, I’ve got some things cookin’ away that should be ready to blog about in the next month or so. As for what I’ve actu­ally been up to, that’s been mainly pro­gram­ming and playing the shit out of Caesar 3 (why is it that the best com­puter games are always the old ones?) — nothing you guys would be inter­ested in anyway.

Shopping BasketWe’re always sur­prised by the lovely emails and com­ments saying how pleased people are with Coffeesh0p’s service.  They’re not sur­pris­ing because we think we do a ter­rible job, but we just thought what we do was pretty stand­ard. We get orders, we post them, we answer cus­tomer emails. That’s pretty much it, so how can we be doing a remark­able job? I suppose because we’re a small company, we can always ship orders on the same day, and the Royal Mail cer­tainly earns the cost of a stamp, since most of our smaller orders get there the next day. But surely there’s more to it than that? Well, we’ve done a bit of shop­ping on the inter­net recently, and it turns out every­one else is just shit!

I’m not slag­ging off this industry in par­tic­u­lar, it’s just my online shop­ping exper­i­ence as a whole has been a bit ter­rible recently. Firstly, I bought a copy of Pro­fes­sional Javas­cript about a month ago from a third party seller on Amazon. I figured that since I’m recod­ing Coffeesh0p pretty much com­pletely, that the drag ‘n’ drop shop­ping basket could use a bit of a tweak. Amazon’s deliv­ery estim­ate came and went with no sign of the book. Think­ing it might have gotten lost in the post or some­thing, the misses emailed the seller who told us to “check with the Post Office” because some­times “the postmen don’t bother to leave a card if the parcel is too big for your letter box”.  Straight off, we thought this was horse shit, but just in case this guy had some secret insider Post Office inform­a­tion, we thought we’d check with the guys at our Post Office, who con­firmed our sus­pi­cions.  This guy was flat-out lying to people! Further com­mu­nic­a­tions ended up with him telling us to wait another couple of weeks. If I don’t have it by next Friday, I’m going to write some Javas­cript to smack him round the face remotely.

Next up was a Bridesmaid’s dress we bought on Ebay (If you’ve just tuned in, me ‘n’ the misses are getting married). First off, we got a money request from PayPal, because the par­tic­u­lar vendor couldn’t just accept normal payment as they’d reached their trans­fer limit or some­thing. A week or so passed without a dress, then the person got in touch and reques­ted that we get that payment can­celled and send a cheque instead, because appar­ently their PayPal account had been com­prom­ised… A few emails later and we’re still waiting.

Finally, one of our whole­salers has been a com­plete pain in the arse. When we moved house 3 fucking months ago, we placed an order with them (and paid in advance) and I emailed them to tell them we’ve moved. So a few days later, a package turns up at our old address and I have to go and pick it up. When I got it open, there was half the stuff there we ordered and an invoice with “Rest will follow” scrawled across it. Since then, I’ve emailed a million times and we’ve still not got the rest of this pretty sub­stan­tial order. Appar­ently, they’ve been short staffed, had trouble with customs and all sorts of other shit. Truth is, I couldn’t give a crap, since I paid nearly £40 for ship­ping! The icing on the cake though, is that they’ve appar­ently sent the rest, but they’ve sent it to our old address despite three sep­ar­ate emails with our new address in to at least two dif­fer­ent people! Arrgghh!

So, yeah, I suppose that does make us pretty awesome by com­par­ison. 😡

Mini Competition

I’ve still got three more Bamboo Shotgun Pipes to give away, so I reckon it’s high time we had another com­pet­i­tion. To cheer me up, this com­pet­i­tion will be to create the best drugs related cat macro.

Here are some examples:

Let's Do Coke Cat Macro

Dude... Wait, What? Cat Macro

At the end of the month, the best three, as judged by me ‘n’ the misses, will get a pipe. To submit your entry, attach your pic­tures to my Contact Form. Make sure you actu­ally submit the form, though…

Good luck!.

10 Responses to We're Not Awesome - Everyone Else Is Shit

  1. Ken says:

    Con­grat­u­la­tions to you and your fiancée. Sorry to hear about all your troubles.

    I bet your wedding a recep­tion wil be much better !!

    If we can help with your whole­sale product needs let me know. My guys strive to make it all good.

    Ken on Maui
    Green­Light Salvia Extracts

  2. Jon Waraas says:

    That’s funny, I have always liked to play civil­iz­a­tion 2, and that game has been around since like 96

  3. Alex says:

    You have any­thing else to give away? lol. I already won one of those pipes, but could pos­sibly use another. However, it’d be great to mix it up.

  4. Synchronium says:

    Ken. Cheers! Unfor­tu­nately, this whole­saler sells more legal highs than entheo­gens. 🙁

    John: Civ 2 was amaaaaz­ing. Other clas­sics include:

    • The ori­ginal Command & Conquer
    • Baldur’s Gate
    • X-COM
    • Fron­tier: Élite II
    • Dungeon Keeper

    Alex: If you won, perhaps I could make an excep­tion and send you some­thing of similar value… You have to win first though!

  5. Alex says:

    Syn­chronium, I just entered my picture.

  6. YangombiUmpakati says:

    Caesar 3 is super epic game! but age of empires is best

  7. Synchronium says:

    Alex: Thanks a lot! 😀

    Yan­gom­bi­Umpakati: Yeah, Age of Empires was pretty good. Unfor­tu­nately, a massive army of cavalry beats pretty much any­thing. Just got to raise that army before the enemy does; there’s not a lot of tactics involved.

    Oh, and one more game to add to that list: Mech­War­rior!

  8. Alex says:

    No problem.

  9. Alex says:

    Hey, I sent you my info through the contact form a few days ago…did you get it? Thanks

  10. Synchronium says:

    Sure did. I’ll post your pipe out at some point this week. 🙂

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